I am enough (A mother’s perspective)

Of course, this is inspired by my mantra “I’m not enough” (and no that’s not a typo)! Being just a mother, is just not enough, so I keep telling myself, because of what I hear and see around me (or want to hear and see). What is enough? How is it measured? Who decides what is enough? Why is my seven year old daughter telling me she’s not enough!!!

Why must I put so much pressure on myself to be more, even to my own mental detriment. Why do I feel like I’m not enough? Who am I comparing myself to? How will I ever be enough?

These feelings could stem from my childhood, my past, my loved ones telling me I should go back to work or why don’t I do a course or do something!! Perhaps they have my best interests at heart, but it doesn’t always translate that way and as a result I become filled with self-doubt and that I need to do more, I need to be more – “I’m not doing enough”.

Whatever it is, I need to move on from it. I need to get into control of what I want to do and do it well and not what others think I should do. For once if you ever happen to be in this situation think really hard about what you want until you find it and then work out how to do it.

I think I was surprised by motherhood, leaving a career on a path where I knew where I was heading (or at least the feeling that I thought I knew where I was going), to now being in this abyss of unknown, literally feeling like my carriage has derailed as a stay at home mum! Impatiently waiting to try and get myself back on track, torn between my heart and my mind, with external voices telling me what I should be doing. I don’t think I can hear my own voice anymore … with one part of me trying to venture back to the comfort of the old path, and another part I look at as lost its way, and nervous on the new unknown path life has carved out for me and doing neither of them well.

But wait, have I really derailed off track or should I accept I am now on another path heading somewhere else and that its actually OK. I need to realise the opportunity and start changing my mindset, most importantly so my daughter can learn that we are all enough, just as we are.

Make peace with everything behind me for it has all contributed to where I am today. Finally and openly embrace the new path ahead of me.

1. Right now as I am, I am enough. There will be a time to be more than a mother and other things all in good time. I am enough right now.

2. Love and embrace your now, as tomorrow might be different. Being a mother is a blessing that doesn’t wait. Cherish every single moment you can.

3. Don’t compare yourself to others, have compassion for yourself and your own unique journey. By comparing yourself to others you show no compassion for your journey.

4. Embrace the surprises and detours. Its ok if you are not who or where you thought you would be when you were 20 years old. Sometimes life has its own plans. Right now you are where you are meant to be. Sometimes life isn’t linear or follow a plan. Take that as a blessing in disguise, learn from it and enjoy the rest of the journey.

5. Always appreciate yourself for trying and how far you have come.

6. Remember to be kind to yourself. Talk to yourself as you would to your best friend. Work on that relationship with yourself. I would never tell my friend that she has derailed and needs to get back on track. Do what you need to do to support yourself and enrich your life so you feel content.

7. Believe you are enough. Believe in yourself. So your loved ones can too believe in you and learn from you, so they TOO can be kind to themselves, and they TOO believe in themselves and they TOO that they are enough. Let it begin with you.

I am enough for now, right now.

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Ashmita Patel
A full time Mom of two kids, an avid reader, a fashion enthusiast and a thinker!

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